Im Socially Awkward

puppy95:

My kink: not having to set alarm for the next morning

(via fandoms-defying-gravity)

frogyell:

robber: hey give me all ur money

me: how about i instead buy that gun off of u for all my money

robber: ok

robber:oh shit now ur gonna rob all ur money back

me:no im not a dick who robs people

roober: that hurt way more than any bullet would

(Source: bewbin, via fandoms-defying-gravity)

beevean:

snorlaxatives:

@ the water that drips down my arms when i wash my face and makes a big ass mess: fuckin fight me

reasons I’m still on this hellsite:

1) nowhere else I could find posts this specifically relatable

(via comparingmeerkats)

paristwists:

soft-santiago:

lindzbizkit:

celestialmoonchild:

Intimacy is beyond kisses and cuddles and sex. Intimacy is getting a headache and taking a nap, and waking up to your laundry folded and your partner rubbing your back. Intimacy is crying and yelling at night about your past to someone who listens and comforts you. Intimacy is watching shows in your pjs for hours and eating pizza together and being able to communicate love through holding hands. It’s never running out of conversation but doing it anyways to enjoy silence.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Intimacy was defined by my health teacher as: Being able to feel vulnerable with someone while still feeling safe.

intimacy, according to my professor of philosophy, is to be able to say “I do not know” without fear of being judged.

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

rustygirlriding:

Anxiety: THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!

Me: What is too much?

Anxiety: THIS

Me: I am literally sitting at home doing nothing. My only obligation this evening is to take out the trash. Work went well today. What exactly is the problem????

Anxiety: EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE

Me: But nothing is happening?

Anxiety: TOO MUCH

(Source: living-for-fiction, via fandoms-defying-gravity)

afroclusterfunk:

draumbooty:

deicide4122:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

She fucking CUMS

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

atthepriceofoblivion:

Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu

Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter

(via heliolisk)